G3

In the OBGYN world we describe a woman’s pregnancy history in terms of G’s and P’s.  There is an alpha numeric code that tells the story- “GTPAL.”

G stands for gravida. It’s the number of times a woman has physically been pregnant.

T is for term- the number of term pregnancies a woman has had.  Any baby born at 37weeks or after counts here.

P is for preterm births, those babies born after 20 weeks but before 37 weeks.

A is for abortion. This is a medical term, not a political one.  Medically we call any end of pregnancy before 20 weeks an abortion.  It may be spontaneous, aka a miscarriage. It may be elective, aka a termination.  A also includes ectopic pregnancies.

L is for living children.  No further explanation needed.

To make it even more confusing we shorten the the GTPAL to G_P_ _ _ _.  In this instance G still stands for gravida and P stands for para- para meaning the number of births (term or preterm). It might be better to explain by example:

A woman who has had one term living child with no other pregnancies would be a G1P1001 versus a woman who has had one living preterm child would be a G1P0101 versus a woman who has had one miscarriage and no other pregnancies would be a G1P0010.

It can be used to describe a pregnant woman too.  My friend who is pregnant for the first time is expecting twins.  She is currently a G1P0000.  When she has the babies, if she has them at term (fingers crossed) she would be a G1P1002.

Make sense?

So why does this matter?

As of late, I have recently added a new G to my history.

After Mabel I became a G1P0100.

After Felix I became a G2P1101.

I am now a G3P1111.

My loss story continues.  I’m having a very early miscarriage.  So early I barely became attached. But it has still stolen the breath out of me.  Did I take five pregnancy tests just to be sure? Did I figure out my due date? Sure did. Think about maternity leave? Toss around baby names in my mind? Imagine telling Felix he’d be a big brother? Dream of a living sibling for me son? Did I get excited? You bet. So when it turned out to be just a shadow of a pregnancy, a whisper of something I’ve been wanting and trying for since Felix was born, I grieved. I am still grieving. I feel broken in so many ways, untrusting of my body, unsure of my ability to be happy.  I know I will find my way out of this darkness- I have crawled out of deeper holes.  But in the meantime, I will mourn my little whisper…