There’s nothing in there.

“You got anything in there?”

A hand laid on my belly, with a knowing smile.

“Any more babies?”

Since when is my fertility anyone else’s business?  I know that these comments were either well intentioned or just causal banter, but their intention still hurt.  The askers know about Mabel, which in my mind should have made them more sensitive.

I have held on to some of the baby weight.  I could make excuses for why- but they’re irrelevant.  Either you’re calling me chubby (insult) or you’re assuming I can just have babies whenever I want (ignorance). Either way, the comments make me feel like a failure. I’m failing at losing weight and I’m failing at getting pregnant.  I’m only 10lbs overweight but my abs are non existent thanks to two babies in a short time.  Though since I have only one visible baby, I feel like my body is a mismatch. I also would love to be pregnant- but I don’t think it’s going to come easy.  And since I’m still nursing, my body hasn’t given any signs that it’s ready for another pregnancy.

Hearing these comments makes me realize people want another one for me (so do I), but it feels like expectation, pressure.  It’s the reason that I didn’t tell anyone about being pregnant with Felix until 12 weeks- I didn’t want to disappoint them if I miscarried.  I know I have no control over it- but my disappointment was going to be enough.  I couldn’t handle anyone else’s.  The same applies here.  I worry that I won’t be able to have anymore- I’ve learned there are no guarantees- and my own self imposed pressure is more than I can handle.  Please don’t give me anyone else’s.

“No.”

“There’s nothing in there.”

“I wish.”

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2 thoughts on “There’s nothing in there.

  1. Thanks for posting ❤️ these difficult questions and conversations just keep going, don’t they? Especially when you have a job involving so many brief one-on-one visits with so many people.

    Please don’t lose too much energy worrying over ten pounds, weight is such a silly thing (I constantly tell pts that it’s the least important of all the numbers that I look at, and some day I hope to put a sign over my office scale telling people that I really don’t care about their weight per se, and they don’t need to either)… I know you’re not looking for advice, but I had a huge amount of post-partum/post-surgical physical therapy and it was enormously helpful. Recent PT advances are amazing, with techniques now based on evidence from studies using muscular ultrasound. I’ve recommended it to a lot of friends and family members and they all have gone on to agree that it was so helpful, and recommend it to others as well. If you haven’t been to physical therapy, or if it’s been awhile since you went, I’d strongly recommend it.

  2. All of my baby weight stays in my tummy area. My abs are scared and hiding 😉 I don’t know if it is just me over it, but I am sick of the questions if we are having more or if I am pregnant. So my answer is “Nope. I;m just fat.” Truthfully the look on most peoples face or how they try to recover is most amusing. But still hurtful. They don’t know what I have been through, what our family hoping, planning or decisions are or have been. AND IT’S NOT ANY OF THEIR BUSINESS! (sorry to yell) I am sorry the person was rude and not sensitive. Please don’t feel pressure, you are not failing! You are amazing!

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