So lucky

I took Muppet to a new vet- one a little closer and smaller, looking for a more personal (and cheaper?) experience than the VCA where we usually go. Right next to the vet was a groomer, so we popped in to ask about prices. As we stood in front of the counter, one of the groomers came around to look at her for a proper estimate. She saw Felix in the carrier and cooed a bit, asking a common question,

“Is he your first?”

“My second,” I answered easily.

“What is your first? A boy or a girl?”

“ I had a daughter,” I replied trying to put a little emphasis on the past tense. I seem to think people will pick up on it, but I have to find someone who actually does.

“Oh my gosh, you are SO lucky! I have two boys- but look at you, you got one of each! You are just so lucky!”

I almost told her.

But I didn’t.

I am so lucky. I am lucky to have Felix. I am lucky to have met Mabel- to have been given 36 weeks with her, to have gone into labor on my own, to have the precious skin to skin time I had hoped for, to have her born living, to have had her declare to us very clearly that there was nothing we could do to save her, that we could hold her as she died peacefully in our arms. Yes I am lucky in many ways, but not the way the groomer meant. I have my boy. I had my girl.

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2 thoughts on “So lucky

  1. Ouch. I think sometimes I don’t share A&C’s story as my prediction of the other person’s reaction is “how terrible”. And I don’t feel that I can explain how terrible and “so lucky” can coexist. And I don’t want them to be associated with just “how terrible”.

  2. I think you responded in a way that was appropriate and meaningful. I also think that, should you feel moved to do so, you could, in the future, elaborate. You are teaching so many to expect the unexpected–not just in terms of pregnancy, etc., but also how to respond to one another. I’ve thought more critically about my own language practices after reading your story–and you’ve changed the way I both speak and listen to others. And I’m thankful to you–and Mabel–for that.

    p.s. thanks for the Felix update!

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