In other news…

*sensitive*

I have other news. Based on my sensitivity warning, I’m sure some of you may have guessed it.

I’m expecting.

In a way I feel I’ve been living a lie not going public on the blog until now. But I have been hesitant for two reasons:

  1. I want this blog to be about Mabel. I’m learning that this pregnancy is about Mabel too, so much about Mabel, so the two overlap and it’s hard to keep them separate.
  2. I know there are many other babyloss moms who read and follow, who may want another child, who may be trying and not pregnant yet, who may not be able to for medical or emotional reasons, who are looking for a pregnancy-free and baby-free place to connect about their own losses. While I was trying to conceive, I saw other babyloss blogs morph into pregnancy after loss blogs and I couldn’t follow anymore. It was too painful (I know for some it may be inspiring- but for me it was hard). I would hate to cause anyone else pain. So I’ve hidden.

But I need to come out- it’ll help me return to blogging (I hope! So much more limited time with the new job and all). I can be more honest in my writing and not protective of my words. And importantly, I’m still working on bonding with this baby, recognizing that this pregnancy is real and different, that I might actually get a take home baby. Announcing it in some way is a step in that process.

At this point I don’t intend on making this a pregnancy after loss blog. Right now all my remarkable moments involve Mabel and I want to continue to write about her, for her. I may mention this pregnancy but right now only in relation to how it keeps Mabel into my life. I realize this may change over time too- and I will give warning if I need to write more about this one. For the meantime, here are some stats some of you may want to know:

 

Due date: mid July

Currently: 30 weeks.

Testing: we chose non invasive genetic testing which was “normal”

Gender: another surprise

Baby nickname: the pea

How do I feel: grateful and fortunate. Physically, tired and some pelvic pain, like with Mabel, but nothing I can’t handle. In fact, I love all the symptoms because they make it real.

So please bear with me as I navigate this blogging world, trying to be sensitive but also real.

IMG_6057 IMG_6058FullSizeRender (25)

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32 thoughts on “In other news…

  1. Congratulations! I also have struggled with how much to share on my blog but what you said rings true, so much of my pregnancy is intertwined with my loss of Bennett. It has created so many complicated feelings for me. I worried how other grieving mothers might take it because I felt guilty. Here I was getting another child, not a replacement, but another baby to love and hold. That guilt ended when things became emotionally complicated and I tried to sort it all out. I’m so happy for your news!

  2. Congratulations! What fantastic news! I think you would have some of these bittersweet, will-I-bond-with-new-baby feelings if Mabel was living, too.

  3. Congratulations, Meghan.
    Wishing you all the best with your little pea and with negotiating the sometimes confusing feelings of pregnancy after loss.
    Looking forward to you returning to blogging more often (if you chose to do so), I have been missing you and Mabel.

  4. I love the “adding a pea to our garden” picture. Perfect. Many congratulations to your growing family.

  5. Congratulations! I had suspected for quite some time. Never been brave enough to comment but I love hearing all about Mabel here in the UK. Myself I have a “rainbow” toddler after 4 unsuccessful pregnancy. It’s strange but wonderful

    Callie

  6. So much congratulations! I hardly ever comment or write anymore, but I was so happy for you to read this update and wanted to give you many internet hugs.

  7. I was going to email you this week because I was worried about your silence. I am so happy to hear the good news. Congratulations!

  8. Congratulations Meghan! Although I am one of those loss moms with no rainbow/living child around the corner, I am trully happy for you, and glad you are moving away from this category. Understandably, I will be moving on from this blog, for sensitivity reasons, but you need not feel guilty about it; through your story of your loss experience with Mabel, you have helped validate a lot of our experiences too. Now you have been promoted to helping moms experiencing pregnancy after loss, and I am sure you will do amazingly there too. Wishing you the very best with your pea.

  9. I have read your blog over the past year and I am genuinely touched by your bravery and honesty. I wish you all the best in your new job and welcoming your baby.

  10. Oh how amazing! So very excited for you! Already 30 weeks!
    I am struggling with infertility and most of my “congrats” are aren’t very sincere and I have to deal with my own jealousy. But I am truly so excited for you. You have walked a very difficult road and have come out the other side. There is hope for us all. You are stronger for it and an even more compassionate, skilled midwife and program director because of it. Thank you for being brave and sharing your highs and lows with the community. I have grown from reading your story.

  11. Congratulations. I am so happy for you. I have been quietly following your blog since before Mabel was born and very rarely comment, but I shed a tear of happiness for you today. Wishing you all the best.

  12. Could you be more kind and gracious? Continuing to sharing your experience of Mabel is so wonderful and HELPFUL to so many. I, too, have seen one too many babyloss blogs turn into “here’s my new baby” blog, but goodness, you have a heart of gold to be so considerate to others, Mama.

    I hope you know that even if you do turn Mabel’s space in the blogosphere into a shared space with her new little sister or brother, we won’t be mad atcha. You’ve given so much of yourself and your process through this blog, we want to share in the joy as well.

    And don’t most young siblings go through a phase where they need to share a room? 😉 Sending you gentle hugs before this Mother’s Day weekend. XOXOXO

  13. Happy for you, but this is extra sad for me because I think Mabel’s due date was a week before Seraphim’s, and your due date with this baby is about a week before our next baby was supposed to be born, had he not died already. Don’t feel bad about sharing. It’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone around you is happy. It’s just extra sad for me that our lives have somewhat paralleled. I truly hope the best for you and for baby. I think of you every time I see a carrot. 🙂

  14. Congratulations! i absolutely love the carrot and pea! You look lovely and great. Your grace and honesty have taught me so much. Thank you so much.

  15. Congratulations! I am also pregnant with my rainbow – 15 weeks now. I too wanted to keep it a secret until I have a living baby in my arms, but alas, my belly is too big now to hide it. I applaud your openness and your courage. Write what feels right for you. We are all rooting for you!

  16. A long overdue (but sincerely heartfelt) congratulations. I’m sorry it took me so long to send it. I’ve been in a long period of radio silence. I’m just starting to poke my head out. Again, Congratulations!

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