Work update!

I have a new job!

I still have my old job too.

Since I returned to work I’ve been seeing patients in the office 4 days a week, the fifth day is a day of appointments- therapist, chiropractor, acupuncture and general mental well being. I took a significant pay cut to work this schedule, one that kept me out of the hospital, and I am thankful that my practice was able and willing to accommodate me. But the “(when) will I go back to births” question always hung over my head. When I first asked to be an office-only midwife, I left the door open to return to birth, but with no time line. I still like having that option, but my practice needed something a little more definite. I honestly thought I’d be back by the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) so I could repay my co-midwives for unexpected holiday time they put in for me last year. But I soon realized that goal was unrealistic. It caused me a lot of stress to even hear my co-midwives even talk about holidays and schedule, knowing they had more to do because of my absence from the hospital. When the topic came up at our winter midwife meeting, I conveniently had to use the bathroom at that moment. In addition, my practice wanted to know whether they should hire another midwife to replace me or if I’d be back soon. Well I finally was able to give them an answer.

As of April first I took on a part time position as Program Director for Hope After Loss, my local non profit helping those who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. The organization runs peer-led pregnancy and infant loss support groups in four towns, does outreach and education to hospitals, medical providers and anyone who asks, and provides burial or cremation financial assistance to those who cannot afford it for their babies.

Taking on this new position means I plan to remain in the same capacity at my other midwife job- no call. I gave them the go-ahead. Hire another midwife! Takes a huge burden of guilt off my shoulders. I know my colleagues are sad to hear I’m not doing birth in the near future and I’m sad too- there are some things I miss about it, certainly the hospital staff I almost never see anymore! But I know I’m not ready. Some may call it avoidance, but I call it self-preservation. I need to still work on enjoying midwifery in the office and finding fulfillment there before I can return to joyful birth in a place that holds so many memories for me.

This wonderful new part time position has kept me a busy bee these past few weeks, hence my absence from the blogosphere.  But my dear friends, I have missed you!  And I”m trying to be back.  I have much to tell.

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8 thoughts on “Work update!

  1. Wow, good for you! I’ve been thinking about going back to Hope After Loss meetings (especially now that you’ve got a Middletown location), but haven’t quite pulled the trigger yet. At any rate, it’s a fabulous organization, and they’re lucky to have someone like you at the helm!

  2. This sounds perfect for you. I think you will bring much good to others and will be able to continue on your path toward becoming your new whole.

  3. I am so proud of you for taking your time on this. There can be such an urge to completely abandon or to push ahead blindly, with such a heavy load of grief. But you sat in and with the uncomfortable place of “I don’t know…” – and now you have found something suitable for the foreseeable future. Good for you for being patient with yourself and with opportunities that came along. I am certain you will be a beacon of comfort to those you come into contact with, in the new job.

  4. Congratulations, that sounds like a great new job! I’ve been trying to move professionally towards preterm birth, but so far this hasn’t quite worked out yet.
    And I totally agree with self-preservation measures.

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