Sunday Synopsis

Why mentioning a Loved One who Has Recently Passed Away Matters–  Yes- please speak the name of our children. yes, at parties.  Yes, even when we seem happy- it will not bring us down.  Only joy knowing that our children are remembered.

WHen I’m asked how many children I have, I always say, “Five, but one died.” I”m glad I”m not the only one.

What I wish more people understood about losing a child–   Yes yes! Especially the one about not fixing us.  I’ve really come to focus on this recently. It’s hard to see us sad and people want to make us happy.  But sometimes when people try to make us happy, they invalidate our feelings of grief.  I may feel jealous of others- but I”m ok with that feeling. I don’t to be reminded to think of others’ burdens- it wont take away my jealousy, it only makes feel like a bad person.  Sometimes food intentions hurt.

Beloved fist bumping Bruins fan is running for cancer group’s man of the year-  You know what I love about this? Liam is presented simply as a child with leukemia. He is a sick child first; his Down Syndrome is only a detail. Leukemia is more common in children with Down Syndrome, so why not make him the Man of the Year!

It’s none of your business how many kids I”m having-  Oh man, this hit home. As if we have full control over how many kids we’re having.  I’m having as many kids as my body and mind will let me- but sadly that is not as many as I wanted- because one of my children will always be missing.

Grief Support Groups: Positives and Negatives- I go to a babyloss support group- overall it’s been super helpful, though there was one group meeting that didn’t go so well- some new people, one of which led the conversation into dark angry places that were not therapeutic.  But overall I’m a big fan of the right support group.

Things never to say to couples without children– “From a well-intentioned friend, family planning questions can hurt or offend a childless couple. When in doubt, respect a couple’s current family without prescribing decisions for their future. ‪#‎BabyTalk‬” from george takei’s fbpage


2 thoughts on “Sunday Synopsis

  1. I enjoyed your selection. Thanks!
    although i thought it was a bit ironic that the author of the last piece, in the middle of telling people to mind their own business would say ” I have told them to get the epidural – that’s good stuff.” To me, that was/is probably the #1 unsolicited advice i received…

    • good point about that last one! As if we don’t all have enough going through our own head about our birth stories and choices (I could write pages on my feelings on the pain medication I made while in labor with Mabel- so many conflicting feelings). It’s one thing we need to do- stop glamorizing both epidurals and natural birth and simply let women make their own, guilt free choices.

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