The due date revisited…

One year ago today was Mabel’s due date. Honestly I might not have even remembered it had a friend not mentioned it yesterday. A year ago this day meant so much more. I had already birthed Mabel, but the passing of the day felt like the passing of the time I was supposed to be pregnant. One of the many concrete days that marked the end, reminding me I was not longer pregnant with my baby… the one that died. I knew I would not see March 14 while pregnant. The risk of stillbirth with Down Syndrome gave me the option for early induction, which I would have gladly taken. Then the oligohydramnios diagnosis moved the induction date even earlier- to 37 weeks. Only in my last week of pregnancy di we witch it back to 39 weeks. Mabel has us all humbled, thinking we could actually predict the day she came, when she decided to make her entrance into this world at 36 weeks. So all the planning, the dates, ended up meaning so little.

Last year I was sad on this day. Today I am emotionless. I didn’t even remember. Got me thinking…

Did I not remember the day because now her actual birthday means so much more? Did I not remember the day because I am moving forward (not moving on… I don’t like that term)?   Is this progress? Do I even try to make meaning of my forgetfulness?

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8 thoughts on “The due date revisited…

  1. In part it probably is moving forward. I do wonder though how important due dates are after that first year – at least for me it is much less significant than my babies’ actual birthdays. Don’t feel bad about not remembering!

  2. If ur like me, it’s that the birthday means so much more. I mean, you met and said goodbye to that gorgeous girl on the very special special day. Hugs…

    • that’s how I feel. St. Patricks days does bring up some reminders of the die date because whenever I said it, people always said something along the lines of “maybe you’ll get a little leprachaun”- which I knew I wouldnt. But being 100% Irish (my maiden name shouts that heritage) it’s a reminder. funny how that goes.

  3. Like Carole, for me it’s that the birthday means so much more. That said, the March for Babies is always around what would have been Ander’s due date, so I don’t know if I’d be able to forget (though I think I would, otherwise).

    • me too. St. Patricks day is a bit of a reminder (originally picturing a cute little newborn outfit “mommy’s good luck charm” or something on it, reminds me that there is no baby to wear it.

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