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This is good. Captures some of the thoughts and feelings we had when we learned Mabel had low fluid at 27 weeks. What were we willing to do to help our baby live and not suffer? Especially with the odds stacked against her- Down Syndrome, kidney issues, small lungs- would adding prematurity to the mix be a death sentence? or cause her days of suffering? or allow her to live? There were no easy answers. We ultimately decided she had the best chance after 34 weeks and chose not to intervene before then. Might sound heartless to some, but that decision might have been the more agonizing one we might ever have to make.
I consider myself lucky. We made a decision that Mabel would make her own choices until then. She chose to stay with us. I sometimes think about the guilt I might have faced if her heart stopped before 34 weeks- what if we chose to intervene sooner? would she have lived? I’m lucky because Mabel came on her own at 36 weeks. She couldnt survive then, so I know she wouldn’t have survived if we took her any earlier. My heart aches for anyone facing such hard decisions.

When Squidge attempted to arrive at 26 weeks me and the Northern One were forced by the situation to think about whether we would want the neonatal team to attempt full resuscitation if I did progress into full labour.

I lay on the bed in the early pregnancy unit, strapped to the foetal monitor, holding the Northern One’s hand so tight that my knuckles were white and I cried with fear.

As it was everything settled down reasonably quickly and after three nights in hospital, various medications to halt labour and two lots of excruciatingly painful steroid injections I was discharged home.

It was still too close for comfort, especially as I later discovered that my local hospital had run the unit where I worked to check that they had an intensive care bed and the transport team was on stand by to come and collect Squidge if he did…

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