Sometimes I just wish I could take a sick day.
On a day when I’m feeling sad- or want to feel sad- when the idea of facing pregnant woman after pregnant woman just feels like too much, overwhelming, I wish I could call in and take a mental health day. Spend the day between the couch and the bed, looking at photos, distracting with bad tv.
In medicine, providers rarely take sick days. I’ve had colleagues work with IVs hidden under their sleeves rather than call in sick, co-workers who see one last patient before they themselves go to the emergency room. I was feeling really bad one day, a few years back (I rarely get sick). I didn’t eat anything but crackers for lunch, which was highly unusual for me. By the end of the afternoon I was severely nauseous and struggling through each patient. With two more to go, I quietly vomited in my office trashcan before heading into the next room. My sonographer caught me afterwards saying she had a patient freaking out over her ultrasound and could I talk to her. I could not say no. I stood patiently in the room as she cried over a minor finding on the sonogram (which in the end turned out to be insignificant). After consoling her best I could I left the room to finish vomiting.
If I can’t even call in sick for that, how can I justify taking a mental health day?
Of course, I could simply make the call. But the twenty-five patients on my schedule that day would have to be moved- those who need to be seen would be smooshed into my coworkers already busy days and others would be overbooked with me when I returned. So calling in sick not only burdens my colleagues, but also makes my following days in the office that much worse. I often felt like this in high school, rarely staying home because I wouldn’t want to miss the classes and have my return be a mess. It was just easier to suffer through.
So that’s what I do now when I’m having a bad day. Suffer though. I also have Wednesdays off which helps- knowing I can always use that day for my grief. I just have to postpone all my feelings. It’s hard, though, scheduling my sorrow. Sometimes I wish I could simply take a sick day.
Do you take mental health days? How do you spend them?