Why I don’t want my miscarriage to stay a secret- great post that brings miscarriage into the babyloss community. Miscarriage is a different kind of loss than stillbirth or neonatal loss, but there is still so much grief that can accompany it.
How should an abortion be– WARNING. I know I have many readers who will not like this article. I post it not to make a huge political statement, but instead I post it because it fits into my latest theme- feeling pressure to grieve the right way. I also post it because people terminate a pregnancy for many reasons- including medical, because her health is at risk or the baby has a fatal condition. Babyloss is a taboo subject, as is termination- so there are some similarities there. They come with complex and nuanced feelings with pressure about how we are supposed to feel. Many people in the babyloss community might feel complete different/separate from the abortion community and that’s OK and totally reasonable too. I post only to show that people in different circumstances can also feel the pressure of how to grieve/not grieve appropriately, just like us.
Here are just some of the people living with an extra chromosome and rocking it– I love this. In some ways it’s a very nice contrast to the article above this. Yes I am pretty open minded about people’s personal decisions when choosing to continue (or not) a pregnancy- it’s their choice. And most (up to 92% some sources say) women choose to terminate a pregnancy with a Down Syndrome diagnosis. Getting the diagnosis means at best a lifetime of caring for a special needs child, likely a host of medical problems, and a disability of unpredictable significance (mild to severe). At worst it means a miscarriage, a stillbirth or a dead child. When people make their decision, I just hope they also consider the info in this video. No one is guaranteed a perfect child and those with trisomy 21 can do so much more than we sometimes imagine.
Speaking of dead moms– I love the ending of this. “Sometimes speaking of death isn’t necessary, and sometimes sharing it isn’t possible. We do as we do to get through. We eat the black jelly beans.” As Mabel’s birthday approaches, I’m torn between wanting to shout from the rooftop and huddling down, not speaking of her and keeping her memories to myself. I have just ordinary days like that too. Speaks to my recent theme- there is no right way to grieve.