10 types of disenfranchised grief– though the list addresses miscarriage and abortion, I’m going to argue that babyloss in general should be counted. Though, in a weird way, I consider myself “lucky” in the babyloss world (hah!), because my daughter technically lived for 6 hours and thus gets some recognition for life, I also feel disenfranchised because few people met her, so she wasn’t real to them. Plus she had birth defects, and I constantly worry that people think she was worth less because of them. And then there are those who lost babies to stillbirth- the same kind of disenfranchised grief. And those whose babies lived only inthe NICU. When it comes down to it, people listen easily when people talking of their parents, or grandparents dying, but nobody likes to hear about a dead baby.
64 things about grief– do you agree? anything else you’d add to the list?
Grief Gifts Guide– What do you think? Did you get any gifts like these for the holidays? Did you get anything else that you would add to the list?
Confessions of a burnt out physician– Though this might not resonate with those non-providers out there, I hope it can help bring some understanding. I do love so many aspects of my job, but the intense timing of it is not one of them. I’m given 15 minutes to see patients- whether it’s a simple fetal heart rate check or discuss their recent miscarriage. It’s not a lot of time. It does force me to put up some barriers and boundaries, which is not how I envisioned practicing when I enrolled in midwifery school. ah, reality. I also post this because I know many of you have had difficult experiences with your providers. This is not an excuse for bad behavior, but perhaps can provide insight into the pressures at work. I remember a patient being ticked about waiting 45 min for her routine prenatal. I wanted to tell her, “I’m sorry I’m running late, but I just spent all that time talking to the patient before you who is carrying a baby that is going to die.” I couldn’t and didn’t, so I simply apologized. Sometimes the stress of closely packed patients can make some providers even leave the profession.
Experiences which expanded my empathy I find babyloss has certainly expanded my empathy in many ways. I am much more sensitive to loss in general, especially at work. Though, sadly, I also find some situations harder to find empathy as well. You?