I’m not a total Grinch

I’m just not into Christmas this year. Thanksgiving is the big holiday in our family and there was a lot of emotional build up for me beforehand and very emotional during the holiday. I was relieved when it was over. Christmas, I feel less stress, less pressure. We told our families that this year we would be having a nice quiet Christmas at home- just me, Chris and the puppy. We’d still do gifts and everything for everyone, but I knew I wouldn’t really be in the mood for festivities. I can’t even seem to bring my self to get a tree. We had a super nice offer to cut down our own from a friend’s property. She warned us, it would likely be a Charlie Brown type tree, which seemed very fitting. Plus, she herself is a babyloss mom, so it seemed like the perfect solution. Yet I still could not seem to get my act together to do it. I would have not even thought about a tree had it not been for some beautiful ornaments that friends and family had given us in memory of Mabel. Instead, we decided to give our year round houseplant, Igor some Mabel festiveness.

I promise, Igor is not as sad as he looks.

I promise, Igor is not as sad as he looks.

I’m not a total Grinch. I don’t even care that others are having baby’s first Christmas or celebrating with their complete families. I could be bitter if I let myself, but I think I’m ok. I think I’m just simply sad that my family is one less this year. I bought presents happily for others and celebrated an early virtual Christmas with some far away family.

I also decided to donate in memory of Mabel this holiday. As I mentioned before, I can’t seem to do the more traditional “buy a gift for my own baby and donate it” that a lot of other babyloss parents do. Still too painful to shop for a 10 month old baby. So instead, I was inspired by another babyloss friend who felt similarly and adopted a senior citizen. I was a bit late in the game and there wasn’t really a similar program around me, so I cold called a local nursing home and asked if I could donate some small presents and what their residents might like or need. After talking I learned that a lot of the men in their home get neglected when it comes to donations and so I agreed to make some gift bags for them, with needed supplies. I assembled ten gift bags with male body wash, cologne, lotion, tissues and socks. I put them in festive bags and attached a little note:

“Merry Christmas! A gift for you in memory of Mabel, a beloved baby who lived for six precious hours on February 15, 2014”

FullSizeRender (10) FullSizeRender (11)

So I’m not a total Grinch. I’m just doing Christmas my way.

How are you doing Christmas this year?

9 thoughts on “I’m not a total Grinch

  1. I think it would be just fine to be a total Grinch this year (or next), but you definitely do not seem like one. The gift bags are such a nice attention.
    I was too caught up in dealing with my family- and holiday-related stress to get around to doing what i had planned to — giving toys to the toy sharing service in my neighborhood — so i decided i would just do it in January because i want to, and for Paul’s birthday, rather than feeling obligated to do it for Christmas…

    I hope you and Chris and your puppy have a peaceful time for the holidays.

  2. You are not being a Grinch, or if you are then I am too. We too chose not to decorate for Christmas. We shipped gifts to both of our families since everyone lives out of state from where we live. We decided that we are just going to do what we want or not want this Christmas. For Christmas Eve we are giving out for pizza and tomorrow we are going to see a movie and of course hang out with our dog in between. It’s hard because my sister in law is due next week and they announced they were expecting just after Jacob died, so I just can’t go back there right now, that coupled with I can’t deal with the expectations of others of how we should be right now.
    So we are finding ways to honor Jacob this holiday season. It has only been eight months which feels so short and like an eternity at the same time.
    Thank you for sharing that you honored Mabel by adopting a senior citizen.
    Take care of yourselves this holiday season…..and enjoy your puppy!

    • My sister also announced she was pregnant right after my Sacha died. She had the baby last month. I haven’t been able to face being around there, either. Doesn’t help that she and her husband are not empathetic people. It’s been rough!

    • what a lovely Christmas you seemed to have planned. pizza and movie sounds perfect. I totally understand the sentiment of eight months feeling both long and short. I feel the same way about ten months. THere’s something about the changing of the calendar year that puts it in perspective.

      Oh man, your sister in law is due? How are you coping? any baby yet? I remember being on edge when my sister was due a few months after Mabel died. Just the waiting waiting to even see how I reacted (which, sadly, was not pretty) was killer. I can only imagine how complicated your holiday season is with the Jacob’s loss, the holidays, the potential for new baby. hugs to you.

  3. I absolutely love your care bags. That is so thoughtful and they turned out great. I’ve been more of a grinch, I just don’t even want to acknowledge the holiday or do things to mark it… Maybe in the future I’ll be able to do something like you guys have done. For now I’m just trying to lay low and get through it.

    • I credit Babyloss mamma for the idea. laying low is a great survival strategy. I actually enjoyed the low key Christmas we had. presents and food, just us and the puppy. no Christmas music or movies. keeping my head down, getting through the day. hope yours passed smoothly and peacefully.

    • me too! I actually love getting/buying gifts for people. SO I let myself enjoy doing that. I actually like buying presents for older kids too. but like you, not so much for babies.

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