Sunday Synopsis

Two Friends with Down Syndrome Kickstarter: This is beyond awesome!  Try not to fall in love with these kids, I dare you!  The best part is what you’re gifted when you pledge.

Our Mommy Problem. This article was posted by another blog I follow and felt the urge to comment.  Part of me wanted to be bitter and say, “at least people recognize you as a mom!” but I knew that wasn’t fair or productive.  I was compelled to comment, though and so I wrote something else.  I’d be curious what some of you moms think- those with living children and those without.   Here’s my comment: “think this article was well written- I appreciated how it seemed to tackle an issue that many women face (how to integrate the mom identity into her other identities and not let it take over) without being whiny (I have no patience for whiny). To throw another perspective in the boat- I adore being addressed as mom. It is a part of my identity that people don’t see because i don’t have a living child to prove it. But being called “mom” or better yet “Mabel’s mom” is like Christmas to me. And I know of many people who would do anything for that title but life circumstance hasn’t given them the chance. I comment not in any way to say that women shouldn’t complain about being called mom by certain people- the comment in the bar about mommies night out irked me too!- but I wouldn’t want people to stop using the term either- I’m sure the woman with a child after years of infertility might still glow at even an insensitive use of the term. I think this article has made me more mindful of how I use the moniker mom.”  

Who Has it Worse? This hit home hard for me.  No one has said it out loud so much, but I often feel like people think it’s easier to know ahead of time.  This article does a good job of saying it’s not.  It’s not easier to know and it’s not easier to not know.  Both are hard.  Both suck.

Have you read anything that has really hit home this week?  Any thoughts on these articles?

 

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6 thoughts on “Sunday Synopsis

  1. Since you asked…
    I’m a stay at home mom with a deployed husband and I live 3,000 miles away from any family or close friends. Now more than ever, Mom seems to be the biggest title I have. With the exception of an hour and a half twice a week (nursery provided at church and a women’s group), I am with my kid 24/7. So many things are telling me: “you’re too obsessed with your kid” and simultaneously “you’re not obsessed enough.” So this part rang true: “On TV and in movies and in modern fiction, mothers are frequently portrayed as protective yet focused on the trivial, wise yet neurotic, sexy yet sexless, monumentally important but deeply silly.” It’s easy to start to doubt myself and my actions, as confident as I am.
    I am beyond grateful to be her mother. From what I’ve heard from you, Meghan, that doesn’t seem to change no matter how long your child lived/lives. And so, no matter what, I will always be Margaret’s mother. But I’m a wife, friend, daughter, and sister. I also have identifiers that are uniquely me- my temperament, beliefs, interests, hobbies, and dreams. So I don’t mind being called a mom- I am one. What I do mind is when it tends to be used as an insult, or an underhanded dig at what I do.
    (I’ve been writing, rewriting, and staring at this comment for 30 minutes now. I hope it comes off the right way. I was going for a mix of grateful for my own situation, respect for what each of you in the babyloss community has been through, and the utmost respect for the community that you have built here. I hope that came through.)

    • I think what you wrote is so well put- I think we can all agree that “mom” is usually a source of pride, and shouldn’t be used as an insult or underhand dig. In some way I read the article with a little jealousy- thinking, I can’t wait for the day that someone would think to use the term mom with such flippancy that it would be an insult to me. 🙂

  2. Big news for me today, largely thanks to you: I shared my blog on Facebook for the first time! (Only the 3rd or 4th time I’ve posted anything about Sacha on Facebook) I tried to direct people to “what to say”-themed posts. Thanks for being a voice for the babylost and for helping me to find my own voice. ❤

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