Day 24: Forgiveness

I have a lot of forgiveness to dole out.  I have been angry at people, felt hurt by people and been angry at myself and hurt myself.  I need to soften my heart and let the forgiveness seep in.

But I’m not ready.

Tonight I cried to Chris in the car, “I don’t like being angry. I just don’t know how not to be right now.”  It’s been a tough week for me emotionally and so today’s prompt has been a hard one.  The concept of forgiveness has sat with me all day- I thought about while doing planks at bootcamp; I contemplated it while trying on clothes at Kohl’s; I reflected about it while driving and walking the dog; it was even on my mind while I was hanging out with friends.

The idea is there and today I planted a seed, as the prompt says.  Someday, I’ll be able to welcome it and be the person I want to be.  In the meantime, I decided to work on forgiving myself.

Today we were invited over to carve pumpkins with friends.  I decided I wanted to go but wasn’t going to carve a pumpkin.  I’d go for the company alone.  I have no inclination to celebrate holidays this year- a bit out of protest.  They shouldn’t exist if my baby couldn’t be here to enjoy them.  I certainly shouldn’t enjoy them if Mabel can’t.

As pumpkin carving time approached, I let that word forgiveness seep in a bit and decided I could, if nothing else, forgive myself.  I could allow myself to celebrate a little tonight.  So I did.

#CaptureYourGrief

photo 2 (29)

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8 thoughts on “Day 24: Forgiveness

  1. What an impressive carving. I wish Mabel could be here to see it, but I am glad her mom and dad are still celebrating her this season!

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