Day 23: Inspiration

Midwifery is not just my job, it’s my lifestyle.  I often ask people “so, what do you do?” as a way of small talk.  I recognize that not everyone puts as much weight on this question as I do.  I have been spoiled- once I decided on my career and completed my training to start it, i found myself in a job that was fulfilling.  I get to help change people’s lives- whether it be welcoming their new baby into the world or putting in their IUD so they don’t end up with an unintended pregnancy.

Having an emotionally challenging pregnancy- first accepting the difficult diagnosis of Down Syndrome and then living with the poor prognosis that oligohydramnios  gave at 27 weeks, my view of pregnancy has changed.  Laboring with a baby that I very much wanted to keep inside me, knowing that her birth might also be her death, has changed my view of childbirth.  Helping women in their gyn life- wanting to get pregnant, wanting to avoid pregnancy- it’s all still assisting them in their childbearing life.

Mabel has made my work painful.  My once career-lifestyle has turned into just a job.  I have my fulfilling moments but they are balanced by painful ones.  Mabel has inspired me to look beyond midwifery, to realize that there might be other things I could do.  I don’t know what they are or if i’ll do them.  This inspiration might be temporary, but for now, it gets me out of bed in the morning.

#CaptureYourGrief

I don't know what color mine is yet, but I bet it's purple!

I don’t know what color mine is yet, but I bet it’s purple!

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6 thoughts on “Day 23: Inspiration

  1. Sending so, so many hugs, Meghan. I’m in this struggle boat with you. Everyone says “don’t make any changes during the first year”, but at the same time they say “be kind to yourself”. So what happens when those two things are incompatible??

    There’s not a single doubt in my mind that you can continue being a fantastic midwife, if you decide that’s what is right for you. But I hope that giving yourself the freedom to consider other options will help to remind you of your own enormous value as a human being. Then, if you do stick with midwifery, that choice will come from a place of freedom rather than from a place of obligation. And if you pursue a different path, hopefully that choice will come from a place of self-esteem and passion rather than from a place of entrapment and defeat.

    Lots of love.

    • I love what you wrote in response to this post: “…that choice will come from a place of freedom rather than a place of obligation. And if you pursue a different path, hopefully that choice will come from a place of self-esteem and passion rather than from a place of entrapment and defeat.”
      So true in all of our lives’ decisions, but especially at times of sincere reflection of where we are in our life path and if it’s still where we want to be. That it is not a sign of weakness to reconsider the path we are on, but is actually healthy to check in with ourselves on a regular basis and make sure we are serving ourselves, and thus others fully.

      I met you as Mabel’s mom and did not know the identity you have placed on yourself as Meghan the midwife prior to Mabel. This Meghan I know is an amazing friend and has a lot of talents beyond being a midwife, so know you are more than your profession whether you decide to stay with midwifery or branch out.

      • yes! that’s such a powerful line- I agree! to feel empowered rather than obligated to choose midwifery (my big struggle right now, though yes it can apply to so many other circumstances).

        i LOVE that you wrote how you met me as Mabel’s mom first and the midwife thing was secondary. Oh, how I wish I could be that way to everyone!

    • right? the conflicting first year and be kind to yourself! there are things I enjoy so much about midwifery and some things I find so painful (maybe they wont always be- but what do I do in the meantime??) There are some midwife jobs that would hopefully allow me to do the more fulfilling things and avoid the painful things- I’m exploring those- but finding them is the hard part. and then there are non midwifery jobs that could still use my skills (a whole host of nursing jobs, nursing teaching jobs, non profit jobs etc) that are of interest. And there is always the thought of doing something completely different- maybe even going back to school (how sad I havent even finished my midwifery school loans). I don’t want to close any doors, so If I make a move, I want it to feel right. I might even just stay, having explored whats out there. for now I’m just looking and contemplating….

  2. I spoke with my therapist about this yesterday. I also feel stuck in my job. I don’t really like what I do and Max was my ticket out (I was going to be a stay at home mom for a few years and then go back to school for a masters degree). Since I lost Max, I lost my ticket out of my job. My therapist told me to see what other options are out there. Whether I change jobs or not isn’t the point, the point is giving myself the opportunity to choose. I know its easier said than done (like most things), but I plan to give it a shot – my therapist will be holding me accountable at our next appointment. I hope you are able to give it a shot as well. 🙂

  3. I applaud you for looking around. Even if it’s a job you used to love, so many things change. And given what your job is, it’s probably even harder. I hope you find what’s right for you. I’m still trying to figure this out for myself – but, given that my position here is temporary, that was going to happen anyway. I might just make a bigger change than anticipated. Hugs.

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