Day 14: Dark/Light

FInding photos of the “light” side of grief was hard at first.  I looked back on pictures I had taken since February- weddings, roadtrips, puppies- and saw no “light ” side of grief.  All I saw were moments of levity despite my grief. I had fun, but it was a different kind of fun- a fake fun, almost.  I eventually stumbled upon some photos that warmed me.

The flower that shares the name of my friend's daughter.

The flower that shares the name of my friend’s daughter.

Photo of lunch I had with a friend.

Photo of lunch I had with a friend.


The name of a friend's son.

The name of a friend’s son.

The mass card for a friend's baby.

The mass card for a friend’s baby.

These are all reminders of people I have gotten to know.  The best I can come to the light in my grief is having people to share it with, to not walk this path alone.

The dark…also hard to find photos of the dark side of grief.  I’m not in the business of making visual memories of my saddest self.  At one of my midwife meetings, we wrote up our own name tags when we arrived.  When my pen found the paper I ended up writing this:

My nametag.

My nametag.

I then tucked it into my bag and wrote one with my name on it. But this is the dark side of grief- walking around all day with the invisible nametag.





9 thoughts on “Day 14: Dark/Light

  1. I recognize that Tibetan meal! Nice photo of it.

    And yes – the name invisible name tag that says “my baby died”. How often I wish it wasn’t invisible and how I am often glad I don’t have to deal with people’s well-intentioned, but hurtful comments, reactions, or no actions by not knowing my baby died.

    Just par for the course being a baby loss mom.

  2. Love your “my baby died” name tag. Sometimes I do wish we had a symbolic mark… Like wearing all black, or dying our hair a specific color, or a symbolic tattoo around our eyes…

    • yes, I wish for something subtle but obvious. I’m not sure why I wrote it when I did, I just did. and then tucked it away into my bag, because it was too obvious. a little sympoblic tattoo around the eyes- I like it- subtle but visible for anyone looking!

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