After Mabel’s wake, we invited people back to our house. I took the photos we had displayed at the funeral home and placed them around our dining room- a central part of our home. Those photos remain to this day and I’ve added trinkets and mementos that are of Mabel. I’ve saved every single card I’ve been sent regarding her and they are stuffed into the wine cubicles on the server. I often joke to those who I”m showing around the house. “Here’s the kitchen, and this is the dining room, and this is my shrine…” Most people don’t know whether to laugh or sigh. I feel the need to admit to visitors that I understand that my alter to my daughter may be a lot for a newcomer and they might not know how to respond. I try to add levity, but realize that is often lost on those who are not in the babyloss club.
Someday, I will move her photos to the shelves that contain all the other family photos, but I feel like moving them now sends some sort of message- to others, to Mabel and I’m not quite ready to send that message yet.