I walked into a Hope After Loss (formerly Hygeia) support group meeting ten days after Mabel died. I paused in the hallway outside the door, crying and holding Chris’s hand. I knew I needed to go in, but I cried out of fear and sadness. I sat on the couch that first meeting and got to tell my story from the beginning. Several meetings later I found myself among a group of women who became friends, some of who I check in with almost daily. At a meeting a month later, one looked at me and said, “it’s good to see you smiling,” as I walked in. Only in that place, among those people, would I have welcomed such a comment. Anywhere else, I would have felt guilty or the need to explain that despite my momentary smile, I was still very very sad. But not there.
This past weekend we walked in Hoe After Loss’s annual Footprints on Our Hearts walk, where I was the third highest individual fundraiser (thanks to many of you!). I was joined by many friends, the babylost and not, surrounded by love and support on a day to remember Mabel and all babies gone too soon.