Read this in the last few days of pregnancy with Mabel. Who reads a book about stillbirth when they are 35 weeks pregnant? The midwife who is told her unborn baby would likely die, that’s who.
I had my sister read from it at Mabel’s burial and I went back to the many quotes I copied down the following days. Still so many of the quotes speak to me.
“There was nothing in my life that was not bittersweet. Every piece of hope was tinged with sadness; every moment of relief was lit on the edges with worry.”
“After most deaths, I imagine, the awfulness lies in how everything’s changed….there’s a hole. It’s person-shaped and it follows you everywhere…. For us what was killing was how nothing had changed. We’d been waiting to be transformed, and now here we were, back in our old life.”
“I’ve never gotten over my discomfort at other people’s discomfort. … The sadder the news the less likely people are to mention it.”
“Closure is bullshit.”
THe book even mentioned the name Mabel, the name we had chosen for our girl, but did not share with anyone. Reading it before she arrived felt like a sign.
other books that have helped me in my grief