When my heart broke on February 15, 2015, I had so much love to give and nowhere to put it. I needed something warm and needy to hold and pour all my pent up emotion all over. I was preparing for a special needs child- all the love that a parent gives to their kid plus the organization and motivation to find the best therapists, to work with top specialists and to advocate for my child. I was gearing up to use all this energy and it just sat heavy on my shoulders when I left the hospital without my baby.
For a while I focused that energy into digging, rock hauling and garden planting. Garden sown and the fruits of my labor eaten, I needed another outlet. Work took up time and energy, but not in any good way. It hurts to care for women in pregnancy, hopeful for their own babies that would likely live, when all I wanted was for mine to be here.
On September 20, a day I will now think of as Muppet Day, we brought our little puppy home. She has given me a place to put a little of my love. She resides in my heart, helping me learn that I can love and care for another creature.
And if you look at her smooth belly, there is a little heart nestled there in her fur.