Out to dinner with friends this past weekend, a piano player filled the room with oldies like Elton John and Simon & Garfunkel. It was a bar restaurant in the town next door. Chris and I live in a sleepy suburb, where Italian restaurants abound, but little is to be found for nightlife. So on this Friday night, we met up with some friends in a more bustling town that offered several places to chose from. We ended up at Jake’s- a hopping martini bar, with a front room for a nice dinner and a back room for local bands. On this night we dinner diners were treated to the musical musings of a man, a piano and a microphone. His style of music and song choices reminded me of a musician Chris and I heard at a little tavern in Mystic, CT, while we were checking out wedding venues. We sat in the bar saying we both loved the seaport and decided then, that was where we wanted to get married. We ate our dinner contentedly listening to a guitar player singing songs that I loved. At the end of the night we got his card and a few months later hired him to play at our after party in that very tavern.

I found myself singing along quietly to the piano player, while juggling conversation and nachos all at once. I paused when I heard the familiar notes of our wedding song, “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. I checked out for a moment and lost myself in the lyrics.

“You reminiscing back to your wedding day?” asked my friend who recognized the song.

“Well, yeah. But it’s also the song we played to Mabel.”

After Mabel died, Chris and I asked for time alone to say our final goodbye to our daughter. We both were falling asleep after being up all night into the next day, so when everyone left the room, we say on the sofa, taking turns holding her lifeless body that was quickly growing cold as I played the one song I had on my phone – “Hallelujah.”

Oh, my baby.

At the end of the song, I got up and gave the pianist a darn good tip.



This post was inspired by a thought provoking post on one of my message boards (thanks Carole!).  Do you have a song that reminds you of your lost one?  


11 thoughts on “Hallelujah

  1. Thank you for your posts. You find such positive ways to pay tribute to Mabel. We played our wedding song for Jacob when we spent our last moments with him before we had to say good-bye….it was Better Together by Jack Johnson. Reading your post tonight helped me to remember those details……thank you.

    • Oh, how sweet that you played your wedding song for your child too. It’s about family, right? the song that started it all. I’m so glad my words could help you bring back some memories. so precious.

  2. Such a touching post. So sad. I used to sing sitting on the dock of a bay to Eddie when I was pregnant and then when he was born in the hope that it would stop him crying when he cried. Now it’s me that can’t stop crying when I hear that song xxx

  3. I LOVE the song Hallulejah, but prefer the KD Lang version. We sang constantly to Ander, lots of songs that made sense and many more that didn’t. We sang Christmas carols, as he was born right after Christmas and that is what he heard while in the womb. We sang “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” from Mary Poppins because we had just seen “Saving Mr. Banks” and the preponderance of the word “UP!” was intended to reflect where we wanted his oxygen saturations to go :). For some reason, “Midnight Train to Georgia” was stuck in my head a lot by his bedside. But what makes me cry, always, is James Taylor’s “Rockabye, Sweet Baby James.” We sang that, but said “A” instead of “James.” A few months after Ander’s death, we went to a James Taylor concert and dang near cried the whole evening… but it was still nice to remember Ander that way.

  4. Pingback: Day 12: Music | Expecting the Unexpected

  5. Yes, the same song, the Jeff Buckley version. The summer I was pregnant and so close to delivery I often saw a busker playing and singing that song. He disappeared over the winter and returned the following summer, reminding me of my baby each time I saw him. I wonder if I will see him this summer as we approach my child’s second birthday. I wonder if it will be possible not to cry if I do.

    • I heard it first on a trip to Ireland sung also by a busker (I had to look up the word!). it just hit me as beautiful- the song, the singer, the night streets on a warm evening in Ireland. and so now the song weaves in and out of my life. it’s a beautiful song- I”m glad its popular enough that it shows up suddenly, but not so popular that its everywhere.

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