Blissful Ignorance

I stared at the couple across the desk from me. It is their first pregnancy. Cheerful. Ignorant of what lay ahead.

Danger! Danger!

They want to know when the first ultrasound is going to be. Seeing the little blob will confirm that the baby is real. That the little blob will turn into different kind of a blob, one that looks like a baby. The heart will beat, the legs and arms will form, a face will appear. Never will they think that the feet could be clubbed or the heart might be motionless. Make it to that first ultrasound and all will be well.

Fools!

Who am I kidding? What blissful ignorance! I envy them.

I smile and schedule them for an ultrasound this week. They don’t know that everything could be taken away. Taking a baby home at the end of this is not a given. But they don’t need to know this. For now, they look forward to seeing that little blob and all the promise it holds.

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10 thoughts on “Blissful Ignorance

  1. I remember feeling this way. I look back on myself and think “ugh, stop being so naive.” But then I remember that my joy and excitement is what gave me so much courage to carry Owen through a harrowing pregnancy. Still, I envy my past self and my pregnant friends who are blissfully unaware of everything that can go wrong.

  2. Maybe they do know, but are still feeling as they do.

    When I was in labor with our first daughter, I said a few things. The charge nurse (who had become a good friend while my hub was at a neurologist apt during the labor) seemed to jump a bit.

    I stared at her from the bed and told her that I knew she couldn’t guarantee me of anything, that my cousin had died when he was 5 minutes old, and that a beloved neighbor spent 7 weeks in NICU due to a crazy series of events.

    Yet what I told her was true, my feelings were mine, and Chris (the charge nurse) got it.

    We don’t always know everyone’s background and experiences. Sometimes are own are so strong in impacting our interactions with others, and understandably so.

    Peace and all that is best

    • this is so true- maybe they DO know! I’ve learned this many times in my grief… you don’t know everyone’s complicated histories. It’s helpful when I do know- I feel I can be more compassionate. Like when a patient came for her new OB and she was so nervous- I could hear it in her voice. I knew it was because she had had a miscarriage last time. when I brought it up, she started crying and I felt like I could comfort her better- I knew *why* she was nervous. Just like I’m sure the charge nurse got it for you. As for these newly pregnant couples, I try my best to quiet the shouts in my head and treat everyone as kindly as possible- though we are all human and my thoughts can color my interactions too.

  3. Meghan, you are far more gracious than I. “Fools” is a compliment compared to what I label naive parents. But I would never wish their naïveté away. I wish they will never know babyloss horror. My jealousness at least has not made me a monster. Thanks for sharing your thoughts so honestly. You are not alone…

    • it’s a precious gift, the naivete. May they never have a reason to lose it. I unfortunately had but a few days of my pregnancy in that blissful ignorance (if you can call it that- having been a midwife who sees things. bad things. sad things.) From the time of my first ultrasound there was always something wrong. I never had a worry free moment in this pregnancy and sadly I don’t think I will for a future one, knowing what I know now. what a gift it is.

  4. I used to get so upset, after B.W. died, when women friends would talk about pregnancies around me, acting blissfully unaware of the “bad” that could befall them. I guess they thought that was me who needed to be concerned, not them. And then, guess what,….? It WAS me again, when Zachary died. All of their babies now toddlers and young children growing up and happy. They are STILL blissfully unaware. I guess they did, in fact, know that theirs would be ok, just as I knew that mine might not.

    It is too devastating to come to terms with. So unfair.

    • I have all sorts of feelings on this! When friends and family, people who know my situation intimately, dont have a thought at all that what happened to me can happen to them, I get mad. I feel like its an underlying message saying “well, she must have done something wrong…”i know it’s likely me projecting, but their sense of invincibility when tragedy came so close to them can infuriate me sometimes! Though I suppose I am just envious of something I”ll never have- a worry free pregnancy…

  5. I’m sorry for your loss. I remember those blissful ignorant days too. At 28 weeks, we lost our little girl and I will never be the same. Even now, so many years later, I look at my 13 year old Juliana and know she would have been a great big sister if only Baby Maggie had not grown wings. Prayers and hugs for you and your family.

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