I received an email from a friend and fellow midwife not long ago. I wrote yesterday about what I didn’t want my blog used for. I don’t want her story to have a negative impact. This email my friend sent is the opposite. This is the intended purpose of my bog.
“Anyway, today I happened to be at a gathering with a mother of one of the little girls who was killed in the Sandyhook shooting. They built a playground in her honor near our house that we like to play at. I kept wondering if I should mention anything, or, if it would make her feel badly at the party to remember. But, I thought I you, and all you and Mabel, and that you like to talk about her and have people remember her. I thought this mom might like it too. I introduced her to [my 3 year old son] as “Alison’s mom”, and he told her how much he liked Alison’s playground. I think it was the right thing, I want to thank you for sharing and teaching.”
Learn. Empathize. Remember.
This is what Mabel can do.
Expecting the Unexpected 
My mom just finished creating a book on our family history which includes birth dates for all of our family members. Her sister had a little girl who passed away at 2 days old some 40 years ago; which only some of our family knows about. My mom wanted to include the girl’s information along with her sister’s other two children but wasn’t sure if she should. She told me that she wanted to call her sister and ask her opinion but was worried that it would make her sad to bring up the subject. I told my mom your story and that it may make her sad but it may also make her happy to know that, even 40 years later, you haven’t forgotten about her little girl. That convinced my mom to make the call and, while her sister was unsure about what to do, her husband said “Of course we have to include her. Otherwise it will be like she never existed!” So thank you for sharing your story. It gave my mom the guidance she needed to bring up a sensitive subject and to honor a little girl as a rightful part of our family; this is what Mabel can do.
Ashley, your comment brought tears to my eyes. Meghan, keep doing what you’re doing. Two lives and counting, honored and remembered in Mabel’s name! Personally, I’m trying to get up the courage to call my great aunt, whom I haven’t seen since I was a little girl. I know her only baby was stillborn due to heart defect back when she was 23, in 1956. But no one in the family knew, until I started asking, that it was a boy. And no one still knows his name. When I finally get up the courage to ask her, it’ll be three lives remembered and spoken aloud in honor of Mabel!
I’m still working on that too- talking to family members who have lost kids. it can be hard after years of not talking about it. family is funny like that, right?
ashley this is so heartwarming! and something I needed to hear. thank you. so much for sharing- it brings a smile to my face 🙂
Your blog is beautiful, Meghan. You and Mabel are still creating together.
thank you so much
You might have already come across these writers, but I recommend Emily Rapp’s New York Times piece “Notes from a Dragon Mom.” http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?_r=0
Also, Unitarian Universalist chaplain Kate Braestrup’s book, “Here if you need me.” She offers a spiritual way to approach loss without the traditional “God’s plan” theology.
oh my! i just read that article (I hadnt seen it yet, so thank you) and it was just so perfect. A friend of mine and I were talking about how there needs to be a new word invented that we can use to describe how we feel when we read something sad, but that touches up- saying we loved it seems wrong, connected to or resonate with can feel too clinical, comforted by doesnt do the excitement we feel justice. But whatever that new word is, that’s how I felt. I went looking for more info about her and discovered her blog (and that her son died one year to the day before Mabel was born and died). though the blog is not active, i left a comment to tell her how I felt, hoping she would still get the message. Exploring more I soon learned that the memoir she wrote was already on my list of books I want to read! I’m also going to add the Here if you need me one too. I have vacation coming up so I’ll see what I can do to delve into them. thank you so much for sharing these!
Meghan, same here. I’ve thought of you and Mabel often in recent weeks–we’ve had 3 funerals in as many weeks–and it’s given me the courage to talk to these people the way I imagine you want to talk about Mabel. she is making a difference, and so are you.
This is beautiful. It’s amazing that acknowledgement can be such a gift, but it is, it truly is.
We are all learning from your grace and from Mabel’s story.
thank you ❤
Absolutely. Exactly that. Mabel is having a very positive impact on the world.
as is your little Hugo 🙂
what a blessing to hear that. you may never know the full impact she has made. thanks for sharing. praying for you.
thank you